So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
