we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
