Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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