So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
