bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
