I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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