AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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