Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
