WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
