omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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