The beers last night were like the tears from god
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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