Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
