Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
