god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
