they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
