There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this boner is exhausting
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
