I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
