By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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