I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
