i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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