i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
