There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
