I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
