member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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