She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
