why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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