he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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