if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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