history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
