dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
