Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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