He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
