Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
