i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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