Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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