How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
