Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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