we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
