my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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