so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
