Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
