I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
