nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
