then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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