What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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