Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
