Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
