Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
