I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm experimenting with sincerity
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
