She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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