Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
