Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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