Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
