Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
