On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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