chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
